


Flip A Coin

by SeoulWings13



Series: LiT - Minsoo Centric [3]
Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Parents, Addiction, Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Arrest, Bail, Bridge - Freeform, Broken Families, Broken Promises, Candles, Cigarettes, Dead People, Domestic Violence, Everyone is Dead, Fever Dreams, Flip a coin, Gen, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Murder, No Happy Ending Fest, Perfect, Police, References to Drugs, Running Away, Soju, Strawberries, Suicide, Tattoos, Theft, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, disobey, jumping, law breaking, rey why did you write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:21:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29018109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeoulWings13/pseuds/SeoulWings13
Summary: ’Cause mom saidI’d be crossing bordersNever be afraid evenWhen you’re corneredStand up straight, fight your way~ Borders, Amber Liu
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Kang Dongho | D.Min & Kim Daehyun, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Lee Minsoo, Im Youngjoon | Young J & Jung Hyunjin | Ven & Kim Taeseok & Lee Minsung & Moon Kyunghun, Kim Daehyun & Lee Minsoo, Lee Minsoo & Lee Minsung
Series: LiT - Minsoo Centric [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2167353
Kudos: 6





	Flip A Coin

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote something new. Yay. Today has not been the best, but it'll be better. It always gets better. I love Amber Liu. Her lyrics are an example of what I want to do, and maybe I'll pull it off someday.

**"All these people here staring and looking at me. Shaking their heads, eyes down strong on me. What’s wrong with me? Can you tell me now? The anger, the cruelty, I deserve it. And I’d do anything to be what they call perfect. Then maybe I could find a place to call my own and belong. But if only I was strong. I’ll be walking with my eyes down."**

**\---------------------------------**

Minsung didn't know why he had to come to Seoul and watch his brother. He didn't know why his parents packed up to run away to the states for the month. He didn't know why Minsoo, who was nineteen, needed his twenty-two-year-old brother to stay with him. The boy was fully capable of taking care of himself with his mom working long hours and his father often overseas. It wasn't like he wanted too, Kyunghun and Hyunjin were crashing at Youngjoon's for the night. If only he wasn't plagued with the fact he had to be a role model. At this point, he wanted to rip out his hair and find the nearest bridge.

Minsoo noticed something was wrong when the front door was locked. He never locked it, instead, pushing it open when his arms were so full of whatever. Today it was textbooks. He was overwhelmed with the sheer amount of work teachers gave and wouldn't be able to play and video games that night. The second thing that ticked him off was the jackets neatly picked up and hung on the wall. He never picked up his clothes. There was no time. He was so busy trying to make sure he ate. Then he noticed Minsung. 

The pastel haired male was sitting at the dining table reading a book of some sort. No. This had to be a cruel joke, and yet, his biggest enemy was sitting right there. At the table. So many thoughts coursed through Minsoo, primal rage being the most distinguishable. What was he doing here? Why was he here? At the worst possible time, too. His friend group had recently split up, his teachers were cruel, his other habits were coming back. Minsoo wanted one so bad, but Daehyun had swiped them. There was no place that would let him get _them._

"Dinner will be in fifteen minutes." 

That familiar drawl reached Minsoo's ears. Minsung looked at his brother, still standing at the door, arms full of textbooks and a face full of anger. It was his fault Minsoo hated him, but he didn't care. He registered a shake of the head from the sullen figure who disappeared down the hall. Minsung winced as he heard the door slam. Maybe it would've been better if he hadn't run away at fifteen. He had come back, eventually, at eighteen. Twelve and then later fifteen-year-old Minsoo had looked at him with such disappointment. If he had just stayed, things would've turned out differently. But he didn't. He had to run from the house, leaving Minsoo to deal with all the stuff that went on. 

It wasn't his fault he'd left Minsoo in an abusive house. It was his fault for coming back, though. Why he would come back to this pit of pain was beyond him. His parents seemed to have mellowed out, though. Not that Minsung would know. Minsoo, however, was shaking with rage at seeing Minsung's face. Leave for three years and be welcomed back with open arms. Minsung didn't know what went on while he was gone. Minsoo would never admit his addictions, but his reliance on cigarettes and soju was clear. It was Daehyun who had helped him quit. Minsoo hadn't touched a bottle of alcohol or a cigarette in two years. But then Jaewon had committed suicide. Dongho had left to go to the states. Daehyun just vanished. 

Still, he held onto the hope it would be okay. Deep down, he knew the false hope and reality he had created with the three other boys were fictitious and superficial. Still, it felt so good to dream. Home meant nothing to him. His home was the arms of those three boys when they had camped on the beaches. He lived in a house with a boy who shared his blood. There was no home with the two people legally called parents. He wondered why they hadn't been reported. Group homes and the foster system would be better, and that was saying something. Dae had been a foster kid. Dae had been in the system, and always envied Minsoo. 

The perfect nuclear family. What a load of garbage. Sure, to the world, they looked perfect. Frik, Minsoo hated that word. Behind the curtains, his father beat him and his mother. His mother did drugs. His brother ran away for three years. Minsoo hid under the bed, so scared of the drunken rages that his father had gotten into. He had his first cigarette with Dongho. They'd been friends first, and oh, such an unlikely pair. It made him relax. The habit was going to kill him, and at this point, did he even care?

Minsung and his gift of food were waved off as Minsoo went to work. Late nights at a convenience store was the aesthetic that pleased Minsoo the most. It left Minsung in the house, able to think for the first time in ages. Why was he still here? This house was no longer a home. There were no memories of love or affection. He pulled out one of his several vape pens and inhaled. It comforted him. As he looked over the house old memories came rushing back. There was the place where his father had hit his hands for missing a problem in school. Here was where he had tried to sneak out. The memories kept flowing along with the vapor into his lungs.

His phone buzzed. It was the guys. They still needed to bail Taeseok from prison. Nothing too bad, just a couple of petty thefts here and there. He was too tired for this. They were problematic, but they were like him. They understood what he felt and didn't feel the need to press any issues. He had met the group of them when he ran off, trying to stop his arms from stinging. He couldn't feel anything but numb. The boys had taken him in. They became the family he wanted. He didn't know where Minsoo went and decided to go pay them a visit. The warehouse to the left, past the crates.

Sirens. 

Instinctively Minsung ducked behind a set of boxes. The police stormed in, their flashlights sweeping the area. Youngjoon was out in the open, several men taking him down with ease. The tall male dropped a case full of cash. It was stollen, most likely, but Minsung knew where it was supposed to go. Hyunjin ran out to try and defend Youngjoon, Kyunghun following, trying to make the cops understand. As the three were forced to their knees, cuffed, and stuffed in a van, Minsung choked back a sob. Now another family was falling apart. He started to move, but Kyunghun locked eyes with him. How? Minsung didn't know. He did know the message the other boy sent. 

_"Stay put. If they get you, they have us all."_

Minsung never thought of Minsoo more than at that moment. His brother wouldn't have to feel the pain of watching two families getting ripped apart. There was no way to pay the bails, no way all the boys would come out of prison alive. He gave Youngjoon a week, Taeseok two weeks, Hyunjin three weeks, and Kyunghun a month. He knew they wouldn't last. He knew with no hope, no one could. Minsung was alone, again. It wasn't even a choice this time. Wandering numbly, he ended up at the step of a 24 Hour tattoo and piercing shop. No time like the present to reinvent himself.

Minsoo arrived home, sitting down to work through the mountains of homework. His eyes were drawn to his phone. Left on read by Dongho. Daehyun never saw the messages. It would be two years in a week. Two years since he quit, two years since Jaewon left them. He planned to go to their spot where they kept the small collection of belongings Jaewon deemed necessary. He hadn't been buried properly, there was no funeral, just men who took the body away. They had his phone, the pictures of the four of them, and the earrings that always hung from Jaewon's lobes. By chance, he looked down at his wrist. Ink sat there, a permanent reminder they weren't whole without him. The little chain that had three brothers looked so alone. 

Daehyun had suggested they get artful, chain bracelets tattooed onto their wrists. It had been a good idea then, but now it just hurt them. When Jaewon was found, Dongho had bought makeup and covered the ink. Daehyun had followed, eventually lasering it off. Minsoo clung to the tattoo, wondering how they could give up everything so easily. His fingers itched for a cigarette, and this time, he didn't deny them. Rings of smoke filled his room as he took puff after puff. Eventually, he moved outside, sitting on a bench.

"You told me you'd stop." Daehyun's reproachful voice floated into his ears. Minsoo had never been so happy to hear those words.

"Dae let him smoke. It's been rough for him." the tall, dark-haired male who had annoyed and amused him was standing in the shadows of the moonlight.

"Dongho you can't quit if you smoke here and there."

"But it never hurt anybody."

"You're only saying that because you still do it! You need to stop!"

"And you're going to make me?" Dongho took out his lighter and took a long puff, blowing the smoke in a ring upwards.

Minsoo never thought he'd be so glad to hear them bicker. His joy clouded some of the more telling details, like the fact it was day instead of night, warm instead of cold. The sun shone on the group, Daehyun laughing and spinning. Jaewon joined them, and it just felt normal. He didn't register anything out of the ordinary, even though everything was wrong, merely enjoying the presence of his chosen family. The colors were too saturated, the voices slightly robotic, and Jaewon moving unnaturally. Minsoo didn't care enough to notice.

Time sped up as the group "revisited" their old haunts. Dongho and Minsoo went through a pack of cigarettes together, and that burn felt so familiar. The ink shone on all of their wrists. Laughter punctuated the air. Everything was, dare he say, perfect. And then, it wasn't. Jaewon fell off a bridge. Dongho was on a plane to America. Daehyun was just gone. The cigarette box fell to the ground, empty. The colors faded back to their natural hues. Minsoo opened his eyes, he hadn't realized they were even closed, and saw half-smoked cigarette butts everywhere. In a moment of pain and desperation, his brain had tried to make a landscape where Minsoo felt safe. It had succeeded for a moment, but when the dream faded, Minsoo was broken. He felt empty, unwilling to function. 

Bitterly, he climbed back inside. Losing the group twice was so much more painful. the door opened and Minsung walked in. He was sporting a plastic-wrapped arm and a couple more ear piercings. At this point, Minsoo couldn't care about Minsung and his life. That phrase summarized their family so well. "Don't care about your life." Minsoo didn't care about anyone at this point. Minsung walked past Minsoo's room, coughing at the sheer amount of smoke in that room. 

Minsung's arm throbbed. It had been a filthy and questionable place, but it had gotten the job done. Colored flowers, crossed fingers, flying birds, spiderwebs, they all adorned his arm. It was beautiful and chaotic. Nothing was in order, nothing was forced to be perfect. That made it perfect. His favorite was the flying birds. They represented everyone trying to flee from the house the no longer made itself a home. He laughed ruefully to himself. He was alone. It was for real this time. There was no one left in the world for him. He might as well die as soon as he gets the news Kyunghun had finally given up.

The week passed quietly. Minsung visited the prison every day, nodding when he heard the news Youngjoon was found dead. He wasn't as shaken as he thought he'd be. The numbness had set in again and he just didn't want to deal with it at all. If only he hadn't had to live at that place; he still didn't know why he came back or what called him to "babysit" Minsoo. Minsung comforted the remaining three in prison, though his words were empty. He could do nothing for them. Minsung vaped in the dining room again, Minsoo coming home from who knows where smoking. It was the first time in years they sat in the same room without angry words or cross looks. 

Minsoo had been visiting Jaewon. He had no candles, instead, he let two cigarettes burn to create a slightly respectful atmosphere. Minsoo didn't know what to do. Was he mad? Was he still grieving? He cried. There had been so many things he had failed to do. He fell back into the habit of smoking, fallen out of touch with Dongho and Daehyun. He was sure the two were dead from the contact they'd had. Maybe then he too could leave this earth? Something was holding him down, something that wanted to live. He had nothing to live for. 

"Jaewon. Why did you have to die? Why did you have to jump? Please Jaewon, I miss you so much. Dongho's gone, Daehyun's gone. Every day I check the media, every day I just want you to come back. I can't do it without you. I can't. I started smoking again, I know I'm going to start drinking again. Jaewon, I'm nineteen. You died when you were fifteen. Why did you have to die? Why did you have to go?" Tears were falling onto the ground, stains littering the area. "He lives with me again. My brother. I can't with him. I just want to let loose and just go, but I don't know anymore. Jaewon I just don't know anymore. I don't want a magic solution, I just want it to stop hurting. Please."

The cigarettes fizzled out, and Minsoo got up. He returned home, just ready to cry. He didn't think he'd be smoking with his brother. The rest of the month passed quickly, every week bringing the news of one more of Minsung's friends dying. Taeseok had been killed by another inmate. Minsung was just numb, again. He watched everything slipping like sand in the wind while feeling like a toy tossed at sea. Everything was turbulent, chaotic, and he could do nothing about it. He was shaken out of his numbed state when he saw Minsoo crying.

Sadness and fear were both feelings the two recognized and sympathized with. Maybe, this time, Minsung could be the better brother. Not that it'd make up for anything. Minsoo was clutching his phone, two articles opened. Small singer Kim Daehyun had committed suicide and a business CEO had been killed in a car accident. How would Minsoo know such people? Minsung looked at the form of his poor brother. When had he gotten a tattoo? Why did it look like he held the world upon his slim shoulders? For the first time, Minsung regretted not taking Minsoo with him when he ran away. He stayed with Minsoo until the tears stopped. Then he got to leave the house. The month was up. There was no reason to stay there. Before he stepped out the door, he looked over his shoulder. 

"Minsoo, you need to get out of here." And then he was gone. The door closed with a click, and Minsoo stared at it. he wasn't sure why, but he wanted Minsung to come back through it. 

Grief ridden, Minsoo threw clothes and other items into a backpack and ran after Minsung. He needed someone who would understand. Someone, anyone, even if it was Minsung. He wasn't shooed away and found himself at the tattoo place. After Jaewon had died, Minsoo never thought about getting another one. However, his eyes were drawn to a broken hourglass with its contents spilling out. A floral design went around it, and Minsoo found himself with a beautifully done half sleeve. It was freeing, sure. That, coupled with several cigarettes and a bottle of soju, Minsoo had never felt more dead and alive at the same time. He never felt affection for Minsung who was trying to make up for his five absent years in one night. Maybe, it would work this time. 

He and Minsung split ways that night. Maybe it was because he was grieving, but Minsoo dreamed of the stars. He was one of them, shining, happy. He had loving parents, a kind brother, and they were happy. Yet, as beautiful as the dream was, it was terrifying. It was so perfect, so incredibly whole, Minsoo was scared. Daehyun and Dongho were with Jaewon. He was trapped, nowhere to go. Yet, he'd never felt freer. Minsoo felt as if wings allowed him to go and soar through the skies. He was free from that house, free from his parents. As free as he was, he was still a slave to cigarettes and alcohol. No matter what he did, Minsoo would never be truly free. A coin was at his feet when he awoke. It became his way of making decisions. Heads, yes. Tails, no. It was that simple.

Minsung split ways because he wanted Minsoo's last interaction with him to be something positive. He didn't plan to live another day. As his feet led him to a bridge where most people found it poetic to jump, Minsung started crying. There was no real reason for his tears, just a longing for freedom that was so close. So close he could touch it. The other four boys were gone. He was practically a dead shell. It was so close. Minsung let the tears stream down his face as he climbed over the railing. As he was about to let himself fall, a panicked scream reached his ears. It was too late. Minsoo wasn't fast enough. The last thing Minsung said, something Minsoo would treasure for ages, was the last thing Minsoo had yelled down to his brother.

"I love you."

Love. Such a tainted thing. yet at that moment, they truly meant it. Minsoo hadn't screamed to stop Minsung. He'd screamed to stop Jaewon, even though he was several years too late. When he'd heard the previously insufferable drawl of Minsung's voice, Minsoo had yelled out the three words. His brother had truly understood. If only they both had tried a little harder. Yet, regret was never something anyone should live with. The coin became the only deciding factor for Minsoo. If he ate, if he slept. There was nothing to do but flip it and follow it. He didn't think about Minsung, Daehyun, Dongho, or Jaewon often. They were all too painful.

It was a month since he'd watched his brother jump off the bridge. He stood at that place, looking. The ink on his shoulder shone in the light. Such a strange thought when he wasn't even sure what he was looking for. The tarnished coin sat in the palm of his hand. 

Should he jump? 

Minsoo lit a cigarette and took a deep puff before flipping the coin. Before he could see what the result was, he dropped the still-lit cigarette and launched himself off the edge of the bridge. 

He didn't see the coin land by his discarded trash, tails.

**Author's Note:**

> Tails = No, btw if you didn't get it. The coin told him not to jump but he did. I guess you could say it was his last act of rebellion?  
> Leave a kudo and a comment if you enjoyed it. 
> 
> Until next time  
> ~Rey


End file.
